She knows the crap I write and still sleeps with me...hopefully.

I have some bad news; my wife reads my blog. Through the powers of deductive reasoning I have assumed this to be the case over the past 18 months, but it recently has become fact. It was safe to say something was going on when she stop letting me drive, or push the shopping cart or enter a Starbucks while she was around. Then today in a clear act in defiance of our wedding vows she told me that she had read my latest post. She began the conversation with what we refer to as a compliment sandwich which is a nice way of telling me she thinks I am funny, but that I also write at the grammatical level of a third grader. “Honey your blog was really funny today. The grammar was horrific, but I really enjoyed reading the parts I could understand”. Compliment, insult, compliment, this is a compliment sandwich.
The reason why this news is bad for all of is not because her involvement will sensor my criticism of our parenting skills, financial irresponsibility, or sexual experimentation, but rather you might be forced to read postings that are written intelligently. Look, my lady is smart. Not smart like me, but actually smart. She is no doubt smarter that you which probably explains why she has been the only one to complain about my use of eight commas in the same sentence. My pledge to you today is to find the balance between my obligation to bring you factual accounts of the stupidity of humanity, but in a (slightly) more intelligent manor. If at any point a correctly placed comma or an omitted ellipses causes harm to even one of my readers I will immediately disregard the thousands of years of work perfecting the English language and relapse into my pre teen conjunction free ranting that prove to bring joy to this word. I love you honey, but no one puts baby in the corner.