My baby might be dumb.

My baby is dumb and apparently it is my fault, I have ruined my child. I knew at some point in her life her ignorance would be blamed on bad parenting, but I guess I was hoping we would at least get past colors and maybe even the alphabet. I did, sort of. At eight weeks old we are apparently two weeks behind on reading, math and the landscape of the socio economical dilemma that modern countries will face in an ever growing social media based population. This may seem like a small task, two weeks can be made up, but in fact we are 25% behind schedule. Remember that senior in your graduating class that needed to pass freshman math to graduate? That is my baby.
This recent information came to light when a baby book that my wife was reading told us we should be reading to our baby and working on flash cards. Flash cards? What flash cards? I just sit my baby in front of the TV and head to the bars, I am counting on her being pretty not smart. Let’s face it, I have the body of a 14 year old girl, so if she is blessed with my body and my wife’s…well you know, she will be fine. Apparently this isn’t good enough for my wife. After all who will continue this horrible diatribe once I am going? Now that is a scary thought. So I did what any good parent would do (I think) I downloaded an App on my wife’s phone. I feel smarter already.
In other baby news. I fart so loud the other day it woke up my sleeping baby. Is that bad?