Thursday, November 19, 2009

Crap, I might be good looking.

You would think that most people wouldn't complain about getting better looking, but then you haven’t met me. For me the worst part of getting old is not the fact I can't run a mile, or drink two nights in a row, or even that my knee hurts when it rains. No, for me the worst part about getting older is the fact I am getting increasingly better looking. I am not trying to be conceded here, the proof is in the is the pure truth for me as it is for many men. We get better looking with age. Not only am I better looking but I have finally graduated from 28 inch waist to a firm 32 and I can almost fill out medium T-Shirt. Lastly the addition of a small amount of fashion sense (including the removal of a shell necklace and ear ring) I find myself floating somewhere between a 7 and 8. Don’t get me wrong, I am not turning heads or fighting off crowds of women at bars, but it is a huge step up from a long lonely year my freshman year of high school.

So why does this suck so bad? I am married and all of this new found attraction is pretty much useless. Not only does being married make this power useless, but it also adds a solid 1 to 1.5 points to my attractiveness. I have no idea why many women find married men more attractive, but it's a fact. Lastly, I have lost all and any fear I once had in talking to women because I know that it is never going anywhere. In the ripe age of 28 I have become the best pick up machine I will ever be and I can do absolutely nothing with it.

Great for my wife that she finally gets to have sex with an attractive man opposed to that skinny necklace wearing baby faced boy she dated 5 years ago, but boo for me that I couldn’t have this talent 10 years ago when I headed off to college.

Feel bad for me.