Insert obvious statement about how hot it is in Chicago today. Respond with statement about how it is hotter in Arizona right not. Retort with they don’t have the humidity we have right now. Try to end boring conversation with statement about how the lake help keeps the city cool, Phoenix doesn’t have that. Kill the conversation with a reference to the 2011 Blizzard that shut down the city. Become a complete asshole by referencing a blizzard that you were a part of in 1988 in Buffalo that was way worse.
I pulled into a parking spot today and there was a woman sitting in the passenger seat of the car next to me. She was a robust woman and was clutching two ice cream cones. One was almost finished as she took a giant bite out of the cone, but the second one was un touched. Remember…its hot. Immediately after taking a giant bite out of the cone in her left hand, the cone in her right hand caught her attention and her head whipped around. She leans in…eyes get giant…tongue extends…hand moves towards mouth (as to reduce actually moving) and she takes a giant lick…OF HER HAND! I guess some precious ice cream was on the verge of being lost to the heat, but there she was to save the day!
In Subway today there was an employee speaking some Indian language, to which I applaud his intelligence. But someone needs to tell him one of the phrases he uses in his native tongue sounds a lot like ‘maybe I like dick’ in English.
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