Per usual, an excellent experience in Starbucks this morning brings me to my computer this morning filled with wistful words longing for understanding of my fellow human beings. Call it chronic ignorance, but this holiday season has neither educated my neighbors on manners nor bestowed upon them an appreciation of personal space. My wish this Christmas is for all mankind to gather together hand and hand, arm and arm, side by side and pull your collective heads out of your asses.
Cold and tired I was anxiously waiting in line to order my Grande Americano when suddenly there was someone behind me, right behind me. It wasn’t that I saw her come up behind me, rather I was pummeled by the overwhelming stench of Bath and Body Works stripper body spray #4, ‘fresh privates’. Every time I tried to take a step forward or sideways she was right behind me, my stinky little shadow. Turning my head side to side to try and get a peak at my current adversary, she dodged my glare like a squirrel in a dog cage. I kept trying to sneak forward to stay away from her, but I just couldn’t lose her. I was about to give up hope and suffer miserably for the next 60 to 120 seconds, and then I had an idea…beat her at her own game, fight dirty and teach this close stander a lesson. So I farted. That’s right, I farted. I practically farted right on her hand she was so close.
When I finally turned around to view my foe (now several steps back) I was surprised to see she was an attractive woman about my age. I winked, she was not amused.
This is hilarious! I'll try that strategy the next time someone is a little too close. I've tried hands on the hips and elbows out to create a sort of bubble .... but some people, to no avail, DON'T GET IT! Maybe a blow to the good ol'-factory system might work.
ReplyDeleteJayme
Farting is a the perfect way to create your own personal space. Our dogs do it all the time, especially when they want me off the sofa they can sit next to their mommy.
ReplyDeleteGreat Story!!