Friday, December 30, 2011

Practically a Joke...

I think someone is playing a joke on me and I have to admit I am finding it quite entertaining. For the sake of this exercise I will call it ‘The Idiot vs The Cashier’. It is a very complex practical joke so I will assume that Ashton will not be jumping out from behind the counter anytime soon, and based on the fact that it hasn’t involved a fart joke I will assume my college buddies are not involved. The premise is really straightforward, show up to a store that I am at and make sure that the cashier is helping someone that is a little imbalanced in front of me.
Case in point: the extremely Latina cashier trying to have a conversation with the Dragon-Con groupie about Power Bars vs. Cliff bars. While it may seem like she might be the expert on the benefits of whole grains in relationship to the volume of protein in said items I think something was lost in translation. No doubt the case of Diet Mountain Dew will offset any nutritional deficiencies in the final decision, it was a debate for the ages. I call this one; Hoop Earrings vs. Orthopedic shoes.
Case number two: Cat lady vs Cat dude. For the jokester this was an obvious meeting of the minds, but none the less effective. Any interaction with a Petsmart employee is bound to be filled with awkward moments and glassy eyed responses to my quick witted humor. Add in a sale on cat treats and accessories and painstakingly obviously hilarity was bound to ensue. The conversation was centered on what treat/ leash combo was most appropriate to train a cat to walk on a leash like a dog. You can’t make this shit up.
I have some errands to run tomorrow so I am sure my tormentors are furiously at work to find the socially inept to coordinate their New Year’s eve social calendars with my own. Locations that would be best to spring their next trap include the liquor store (Indian cashier vs drunk bum, “will Steel Reserve get me fucked up enough?”), the cheese counter at Whole Foods (hipster vs Lincoln park know it all mom on what cheese goes best with a rosé wine), or Party City (Highschool manager vs mom trying to buy 500 Justin Bieber balloons). Cant wait to see where the next trap is sprung!

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