Don't do it yourself checkout line...

The self checkout line


I used to love the self checkout line at the grocery store. I had three strict rules that I would use to evaluate whether I should use the self check out, or if I should stand in line for a ‘professional’. One, can all of my groceries fit into the two bags hanging right next to the scanner? Two, do I have alcohol that would require the assistance of a store employee to check my ID? Third, do I have any produce? The point being was to avoid any interaction with a store employee and also avoid having the machine yelling at me about placing items back into the bag. As it turns out it is a pretty good system, the problem is that NO ONE has adopted this or any other logic based system to determine if they should be in self check out, or a sanitarium.

So I have developed a few simple questions that everyone should answer to determine if you should be in self check out. If you answer yes to any of these questions get out of line immediately.
1. Am I over 50 years old?
2. Do I have produce or alcohol? I really don’t want to watch you try and figure out if you have navel oranges or valencia oranges. Are green peppers under “p” for peppers or “G” for green?
3. Is this my first time?
4. Do I wear reading glasses?
5. Do I belong to the group of people who have never sent a ‘text’ to someone? (if you cannot figure out a simple cell phone text, this machine/ processes is way too complicated for you.)
6. Am I going to be using coupons today?

These rules should rule out about 75% of the customers at any given time, which I think is still allowing too many people through, but it is a great start.