Friday, November 4, 2011

One Line, Two Registers

My McRibb orgasm will have to take a back seat as I relay my encounter just minutes before I even ordered the famed sandwich. At the crux of this divergence is the system commonly known as ‘one line, two registers’.
The system is complex, one that has undoubtedly caused strife throughout human history. As archeologist still struggle to translate ancient texts and hieroglyphs one thing is clear, even the Egyptians understand the importance of order and lines. Important enough to dedicate the burial walls of their most famed figures with stories of men standing front to back patiently waiting for their turn. My, how we have regressed.

It was clear from the moment I entered McDonalds the ordering and receiving process was in pure chaos. The gentlemen in front of me made the right call and opted to apply the ‘one line, two register’ system which was quickly executed by myself and the man behind me. Moments later a large woman appeared and quickly rebuked our orderly system jumping right behind a family near the register and right in front of me. I tapped her on the shoulder and informed her ‘ma’am we are all waiting in line here for the next register’. Big mistake. She turned quickly (well quick for someone her size) swinging her big bear arm in my direction screaming, ‘no you idiots are in that line, I am in this line’. Oh it’s on. ‘I know this may be hard for your pea brain to understand but we are all waiting patiently for the next register. Clearly you skipped a couple of grades, 4 through 12, and have a better system than me or this Doctor behind me (he was in scrubs), but I can tell from the sight of you, you need this a lot more than we do so please go ahead.’ This did not go over well…with her. She was irate. I smiled and the doctor behind was laughing hysterically as the employees watched in blissful terror. Bitch just got Hamburglared.
She ordered, got her food and left before I got up to the next register to an amused manager. The doctor behind me offered to let me take the next register but I thought it better to keep my distance from the banshee and quipped it was probably safer for fear of losing a finger if they are out of icecream”. His response ‘you made my day’.

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