Adulthood is stupid.

The impetus for this post is a recent visit I had at the doctor’s office.  Before you get all excited, I said impetus not impotence, give me a little credit.  The visit and corresponding behavior left a lot to be desired.  At first I was perplexed by my overwhelming emotional response, but upon breaking down of a little tape have discovered a few key moments that were crucial to my hysteria.  First, and perhaps the most glaring fact, I made a doctor’s appointment when nothing was wrong with me.  I was not sick, I had no injured appendages, or any looming trips to a third world country.  I just had this feeling that I should go for a check up to make sure everything was in the right place.

While at the appointment the doctor (female I might add) informed me that there would be some ‘genital examination’ at the end of the session.  A flash back to a physical of the same nature my freshman year of college was followed by beer drinking and exaggerated stories of getting to third base with my hot doctor.  Now my flash forward was a Lance Armstrong like surgery without all the cool bike riding stuff and money afterwards.  The stripper in the nurse’s outfit will never have the same appeal.

After the downstairs examine I saw the doctor turn and reach for a bottle of what I thought to be lubricant, my mind has never reacted so quickly…”no need to examine anymore doc, I won’t be thirty until next year”.  To which she informed me she was just reaching for the hand sanitizer and my bum was safe for another day.

Lastly was the result of the blood work up…I have slightly high cholesterol.  The response to anyone that knows me well, ‘you probably need to cut down on the cheese intake’.

So a recap, make a doctor’s appointment for no reason.  Get felt up by a female unsolicited and my wife was happier about it than I was.  I suddenly cannot eat cheese by the fistfuls.  And every time I see a girl dressed up as a sluty nurse this Halloween I am sure my ass will pucker up.  I hate adulthood.