I am not a monster, it’s just that you are an idiot and I cannot help but tell the truth.

I have proof that I am not a total asshole. It came in a moment today when I reached out to a fellow man for the betterment of the world, and frankly all of mankind. For my loyal readers it may seem hard to believe that I could be so caring, so compassionate, so selfless, but the following story may just bring you to an emotional crescendo.

I was on my way home from work around 6:30 when I noticed a driver next to me. Nothing terribly out of the ordinary, but I did notice that the driver was driving a little erratic. It was then that I noticed that the car didn’t have their lights on; at that point I knew I had to step in. I pulled up to the driver and gave a little horn honk till she looked over and then gave the international sign for rolling down the window (even though no one has manual windows). I wonder if our kids will understand that the circular motion of a fist means roll down your window. Anyway. The drive rolled her window down and I yelled ‘your lights aren’t on”! “Oh my gosh, thank you so much, you are so nice!”

She then started to roll her window up and flick on her lights. I again gave her the roll your window down sign. “Yes, is there something else?” “Yea, one more thing, you are a shitty driver and texting while you are driving is not helping your cause. Next time I see your dumbass on the road without your lights on and texting while driving I won’t sweet talk you at a stop light. Instead I will follow you home and tell all the restaurants in your neighborhood to stop delivery to your house and slash your tires so you have to walk a few places. Have a great night.”

The important part of this story to remember is that I told her that her lights were off. American hero!