What is that smell?

I am getting really tired of hearing inspirational/ motivational stories from used car sales men trying to pitch a book or DVD about taking advantage of life and making millions. All these people have ever been successful at is preying on the fragile emotions and bank accounts of the lower middle class. The stories all start the same…as a young boy in grade school I was stricken with a horrible case of fartenhousen disease. Every day after lunch my condition would flare up, the farts were uncontrollable. The pungent odor would permeate the class room, kids became ill from the stench many would faint, some would vomit and for others the odors would cause instantaneous flatulence causing the room to be filled with unconscious children, vomit and noxious odors. The pain and humiliation was horrible. For years the kids called me terrible names ‘Sir Farts’, ‘Mr Smelly’ and the worst ‘King Stinks’. I tried to hide by going off to college, but the names, and stink followed me wherever I went. It wasn’t until years later when I got into the real estate business that I found a place I could truly be myself. In new homes every day I was able to blame my farts and the smell on the previous real estate agent, and I could be myself, farting at will with no fear. After years of hard work I have establish a reputation for being the best real estate agent in town, making a million dollars a year. I look back on all those kids that used to barf and make fun of me and they are nothing compared to me. And you know what? Now when they smell a horrible fart they don’t barf or try and light a match, they breathe it in, long deep breathes and think about the most successful real estate agent in middle southwest Mississippi. King Farts? I don’t think so…King Real Estate.