Hug an old naked guy

I have been gone for so long I was beginning to think that my writing career was over, and then I joined a gym…and baby I am back!

Per usual there were a couple of old naked guys walking around in the locker room dropping every other item on the floor and then taking a painfully long time to bend over and pick them up, just another day at the gym.

Well then I spotted this guy about five feet away from me that seemed to be taking up a lot of space around his locker.  Towel obviously nowhere in sight, shoes, shirt, bag etc spread all over the place as if his locker had exploded.  Well I guess it was time to get dressed, but for some reason old men don’t start by putting on their underwear differing to start by putting on their knee high black socks.  Not a good look.

Well this particular old guy thought he was still nimble enough to pull of the flamingo move, you know where you just stand in place and lift one foot in the air attempting to quickly slip on a sock, bad idea.  The guy got his sock about half way on and then lost his balance.  He took several hops trying to regain his footing, but with no success he reached out for something to brace his fall.  Unfortunately the closest thing to him was a 30 something year old man trying to change out of his work clothes.

Before he knew what was going on he was tackled by this half sock wearing naked old guy jumping around like a Mexican jumping bean.  The old guy struggled to get his balance as the young guy frantically tried to push the naked guy off of him.  This ballet dance went on for several seconds before the kid finally broke free.  The two just stopped and looked at each other in total shock.  And then in an moment of complete and utter weakness, showing no sympathy for either party I turned and lowered my head to cover my face and said…’get a room’.  The locker room was a blaze in laughter, except for two of course.

Please put on some clothes

I saw the naked guy from the gym at Staples.

So I am standing in line at Staples waiting to check out and this guys walks by me that looks oddly familiar.  As he walked away I still could not place how I knew him.  And then like a bag of bricks it hit me over the head, he is the creepy hairy dude that walks around the gym locker room naked.  This is the guy that always manages to cough when he bends down to pick up his towel.  He has perfected the ten minute air drying technique that includes lunges and squats.  He has the towel, but refuses to use it to dry off or sit on while he sits down to put his socks on.  Yes, he puts his socks on first.

The guys finally circles back around to the checkout lane.  There is that second where he sort of recognizes me and gives me the dude head nod.  A week later I am back at the gym and naked dude has put two and two together and realizes that he saw me buying paper the week before.  For some reason he thinks this is an excuse to start up a conversation, and become friends.

I am no longer a member of that gym, or any for that matter.