Common Sense Zombies

Can I make a second comeback?  How about a mid term revival in hopes of rediscovering my hatred of people?  Well not all people.  In fact this specific post is dedicated to two of my favorite fans, yes that’s right, FANS!  Audrey and Brandon verbally (one of them physically, you guess which one) molested me for my lack luster performance since February…and yes they remembered that I had not posted since February. 

I stopped to think about my absence and for a fleeting moment thought to blame society for their renaissance of common sense, and then I left the house this morning and remembered, people are fucking stupid. 

Walking into the pediatricians office this morning carrying my 5 week old baby in the car seat the woman at the elevator…’oh my gosh, is that a baby?’  No Sherlock, it’s a cat dressed up as a baby for Halloween three months early. 

At Starbucks this morning waiting for my drink to come up, no one else waiting for a drink but someone in line ordering.  The barista pops up with a drink in hand, ‘grande iced americano’.  The twerp in line had just finished paying and jumped over and grabbed the drink.  ‘He Sherlock, that’s my drink’.  (normally I would not have been so quick to kill him, but he just looked like an assbag) ‘oh no, I ordered an americano, its mine’.  ‘well for the first time in the history of the world two people ordered the same thing at Starbucks.  I just happened to order mine before you even walked in here.’  The guy had no idea what was going on, took the drink and left.  For some reason I thought to let it go and then he left his drink unattended at the milk and sugar station.  Mistake.  I walked by grabbed it and hid it behind three canisters of creamer (the barista caught me and started laughing).  As I walked out the door ‘I think that guy stole my drink!’  ‘Sir, sir, calm down, its right here’.  His panic attack made my day. 

Needless to say, I was inspired to bring a little irrationality back to the world.  So I am headed to the grocery store and Target.  I don’t need anything, just figured it would be a good place to screw with some perfectly ‘innocent’ by standards.  Common sense zombies. 

I would like to thank Audrey and Brandon for their loyalty, but more importantly their inspiration to remember just how stupid people are and that it is my job to remind them…not so subtly.