Today I saw a bum rocking a bag of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies. It is a pretty odd sight to see indeed as the man stood on the corner asking for change. Then I started to get mad. I don’t even buy freaking Pepperidge Farm cookies anymore because they are too damn expensive. I am stuck with a giant bag of crappy no name brand cookies that tend to be so bad I don’t even finish the bag. They weren’t buttery, they had no milk chocolate and they were not delicious. As I watched this man shake an empty cup asking for change, I realized that he had a cup of Starbucks coffee too. What the hell? This bum is living the highlife I haven’t seen since a year ago when I used to buy Milanos buy the crate and would buy Starbucks coffee just to carry the cup around so people knew that I was fancy. And now here is this guy that is rocking them both like it’s no big deal and wants me to give him money? No sir I will not!
As I got closer I saw he was tipping the bag up to get all the crumbs at the bottom (good form). Well at least he realizes the craftsmanship that Pepperidge Farm has put into their amazingly buttery delicious Milanos. But when I got closer I realized there was something sticking out of the bag, it was the top of a bottle. The man was using his left over cookie bag as a fancy brown paper bag for his damn Colt 45! Now I am really pissed. Cookies, coffee, and a 40oz? Not going to stand for this. I ran up to him grabbed his coffee and yelled ‘Yuppie Bum’ as I ran away. If I can’t live the good life, no one will.
Hahaha! I work for Pepperidge Farm and used to work on the production lines for Milanos. Yes they are expensive, but I can vouch that it's because we use real ingredients. The bag the bum was concealing his beer in probably cost more than the beer.
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